Advanced Style On The Subject Of Bullying

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[Philip in inspired clothing]

The other day I received an email from Philip,in South Carolina, on the subject of being teased and bullied for dressing unconventionally. I had just had a conversation with some of my “Advanced Style” ladies about this, so it was the perfect time to reflect on this important and especially relevant issue. I usually keep the blog pretty light but I wanted to share Philip’s email and my response with all of you and give you the opportunity to share your thoughts . Please join the conversation by commenting below. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Philip writes:
Dear Ari and Advanced Style Women,


I am a young gay male in my 20s currently living in South Carolina. Since I was young I have loved to express myself and I learned about style from my grandmother. She would wear large jewelry and dresses with bold patterns on them. Every since I was young I have been teased on picked on for the way I express myself through my clothing and style. What advice would you give to someone who is being teased or laughed at by people daily for the way they dress? How do you deal with the negativity? 

Philip 
Columbia, South Carolina 

Hi Philip,
Thanks so much for writing in. I have had the same experience as you, digging in my grandparent’s wardrobe and wearing colorful and patterned shirts throughout middle school and junior high. There was a moment in High School where I toned down my style, but I wish I had kept on expressing myself. I have learned a lot from the ladies that I meet In New York. They sometimes get laughed and stared at, but they continue to dress up ad ignore the negativity, in fact 90 year old Ilona responds, by saying, ” I did this for you, to make you smile.” 
I was teased in High School but had the support of a creative group of friends and a wonderful mom and grandmother. If you don’t feel comfortable dressing up how you want, take small steps towards expressing these ideas. I used to wear fun hats, like my grandfather’s fishing hats and vests. Do what makes you feel comfortable and know that you will have your whole life to dress up. Sometimes I would wear something a bit more conservative but wear a colorful pair of socks. Remember you can dress up at home, make videos, start a blog and share your style with others.
It is important to express yourself and dressing up is only one facet of the creative process. If the bullying gets too much, put your ideas to paper, take photos. I  used to draw pictures of extravagant ladies and it would help to get my ideas out. Remember that there are many people like you and try and connect to them. Stay confident and remain an individual. It is your individuality that will take you places. It definitely gets easier as you get older and stay true to yourself. 
Best,
Ari Seth Cohen
Ari,
Your reply really means a lot to me. I keep reading it over and over. Today I went to school feeling a bit paranoid, but I kept thinking about what one of your amazing lady friends said once, “at least once they walk by you and laugh at you they will remember you. you will had made an impact.” I would love to hear what the ladies have to say about my issue, and I’m sure many other young peoples same issue. You can include my name if you would like.  Your blog has become a huge inspiration for me. I am thankful that you are finding these ladies and I’m thankful for these ladies bravery and fearlessness to live their lives so boldly. 
Thanks Again…
Philip 


Some insight from the ladies…

Irene

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The other day I had tea with the lovely lady above. Irene and I met on the bus after I asked if I could take her photo. She has great style and a wonderful outlook on life. She writes on her website, “In another life I would be like an Argentine Tango dancer. I’m still gearing up for my Grand Finale in this one.” Advanced Style is an attitude. The people I meet are fighters. They continue to challenge themselves and  push past obstacles that come their way.

Irene wrote in to share these words with all the Advanced Stylers:

TO ADVANCEDSTYLERS
 I realize that I am preaching to the choir by addressing these comments to Ari’s Girls – after all, we are writing a how-to manual (documented lovingly by Ari) for our contemporaries, present day boomers & beyond.Leaving youth for middle years is tough. What can possibly compensate for having been Belle of the Ball?
 Entering advanced years is tougher, yet can be softened by clarity that sometimes comes only with age. Having been there, done that, I would like to share some basic stuff born of experience:
 Could this transition be regarded as an adventure rather that a struggle? Metaphors for fighting are of limited value when faced with a losing battle.
 GUIDELINES FOR WOMEN OF WISDOM (WOWs)
 AUTHENTICITY
 We are like snowflakes – uniquely exquisite and unique – one-of-a kind divine creations
 INTEGRITY
 To thy highest self be true
 BEAUTY
 Since the eyes mirror the soul, where else is beauty but in the eyes of the beholder?
 WIT
 Many a Hollywood star or historical icon continues to bewitch and bedazzle her public!
Think Bette Davis. Think Martha Graham. Think Cleopatra.
 THANK YOU – IRENE

Young At Heart

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I have been making small videos with the ladies I meet so that I can share their wisdom with all of you. I hope that we can all learn something from these fearless women and continue to spread the message that we can feel young and vital as long as we have a positive outlook on life . Ilona is 90 years old and it is only in her last years that she has felt truly confident. She told me that these have been the best ten years of her life. There is much to look forward to as we age.  Here are some of the key lessons I have learned  from this extraordinary 90 year old woman:

  • Embrace opportunities that come your way
  • If you feel a pain think of something light and positive 
  • Colors can lift your spirits
  • Be a fighter, challenge yourself, when you decide to do something do it well, give all of yourself
  • If you try to imitate too much, then you look like nothing. Never compare yourself, YOU are YOU.”
  •  Feel beautiful inside and you will be beautiful outside
  • “When I move, I mooooove”

Lunch With Ilona

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It is Snowy here in New York so Ilona and I hopped in a taxi to meet or wonderful friend Lori Goldstein for lunch. I hope you enjoy the ride and remember to keep up with me on twitter AriSethCohen .

How to Live an Extravagantly Exuberant Life

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Richard Cramer and Carol Markel are the products of a creative and fun filled life.I met Carol at the New Museum  and have been meaning to get together with her ever since.  The two artists met at Elmira,an all female college, where  Cramer  was teaching at the time. Carol explains that she was inspired to sign up for Richard’s art class after his introduction to the faculty, “The girls were giggling in the crowds.After his introduction to the school I  was immediately  inspired to sign up for his art class.”

[Richard Cramer, Carol’s artistic inspiration]

Cramer is still quite the charmer exclaiming that before he dies, he would like to eat 144 oysters in a day, like Casanova . The couple told me stories and showed me their fantastic drawings and paintings, created   in their extremely organized loft style apartment. They explained that bare walls allow them to be absorbed in their work. They told me,”We are Minimal in our living, but extravagantly exuberant in our work.” We went through their current work, Richard’s large scale drawings of colorful birds interacting in urban and industrial landscapes, and Carol’s fanciful world of dressed up women. It was wonderful to see how they support and nurture each other’s creativity. 
Carol and Richard immerse themselves in the art world, attending gallery shows and museum exhibitions. They moved to New York in 1985 to a loft on Rivington. Carol worked a serious job for 35 years, while Richard taught art at The Tyler School of art, commuting back and forth from Philly. During these working years they always made art in their free time. Richard’s work is in several corporate art collections, and Carol recently made a hat for Amy Sedaris.It was so inspiring to see a couple that has made creativity a priority in their lives. Carol told me that although she was busy, it is always about priorities and that she always made time for art. Carol and Richard go to the gym together everyday, work on art, and travel.  I will post more on this magnificent couple soon, including images of their work. For now I hope you enjoy the photos above.